Creating a sense of community is critical for feeling like you belong in a congregation—or anywhere in your life. Now that our connections have become more complex because of our busy lifestyles and the prevalence of social networking on the web, how do you know if your connections are strong or weak?

The Greater Good Science Center (which emphasizes the science of a meaningful life) has created an easy, 26-questionaire on the web where you can get feedback as soon as you finish. Visit it at: http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/13?utm_source=GGSC+Newsletter+%232-+March+2014&utm_campaign=GG+Newsletter+%232-+March+2014+&utm_medium=email.

Once you finish, you’ll receive a score up to 100 that shows how much connection you have with people offline (as in interacting with people physically) and your connections online (via the internet). It then gives practical ways to deepen your connections.

At church, consider these ideas to deepen relationships between people:

1. Create short times for mingling--Even though people are busy, they also need time to talk with one another and get to know one another. However, there is a balance to this. If the mingling time goes on for too long, some people may begin to feel uncomfortable.
   
2. Incorporate a getting-to-know you question at every church meeting or event--Ask a question that encourages people to get to know each other (and say their name first), such as: What makes you happiest? What makes you want to get up in the morning? Who is the most influential person in your life? What do you like best about our church? What makes you laugh? Then give time for each person to say his or her name and briefly answer the question while everyone listens and then takes a turn. Once you start doing this on a regular basis, you begin to deepen relationships between people.
   
3. Develop small groups--These can be official small groups that meet regularly (or for a few times) or these small groups can be part of an educational class or workshop. Form small groups so that people can introduce themselves and get to know one another a bit. It helps when small groups have a specific topic or question to discuss.
   

Relationships matter in a church. When people feel connected to other people, they’re more likely to come to church and to keep coming. When we create ways for people to form and deepen relationships, we’re not only helping them form community, we’re also helping them form an attachment to our congregation.

As we, more frequently, use communications technology in faith formation, there are still some questions - and sometimes reluctances – that are expressed. A few (among others) are:

• Is community really possible through social media?
  
• Is it possible to prevent people being offended by something that is posted?
  
• How do I know that I can trust a website (or social media source)?
  

Thoughts on each of these can be found in the adult faith formation newsletter, GEMS #41.

To explore the third question, leaders can utilize the following questions from Elementary CC’s For Evaluating Internet Sites (adapted by Maggie Roche with permission from Betsy Richmond, May Gibbs Memorial Library, Neutral Bay Public School).

Many of us are making our final plans for starting up our fall programming in our faith communities. Barbeques, picnics, bowling parties, ice cream socials, pizza night, and kick-off Sunday celebrations are all in the works and we are looking forward to the year ahead. In all of the excitement, it can be hard to remember that for many youth, there will be uneasiness, anxiety, and fear about the unknown. If a child has never been to youth ministry programs before, they may not know what to expect at all. If they have been, they may be wondering what will be different this year, will certain people come, will a different person talk to them, or what crazy stuff will the youth minister make us do this year. This kind of unknown, even if they have grown up in the church and have been excited, can make the first few months of the year so important. 

To help ease the transition into the next year, create a new project for the youth to do right away. This can be as simple as creating a name mural on the wall of the youth room. Hang butcher paper up, and as the youth arrive, invite them to write their names up there and a few other random facts about themselves such as favorite ice cream, favorite movie, or a hope they have for this year. This automatically marks the space as theirs and gives them something to do as they wait for the program to start. If you have youth come in the following weeks that weren’t there that first week, invite them to put their name up as well. 

As you are planning, keep in mind that we cannot assume that everyone in the room has been going to the church for years or that they are excited about being here. Try not to talk about “last year” or “the past” because for a good number of the youth in the room, they were not there last year or in the past. Stick to this year and what you are looking forward to or getting input from them on what they want to do in the upcoming year.

Find a new game or a new icebreaker so everyone is learning something new and they aren’t reminiscing about when they have done it before. This lessens the anxiety about “doing it right” because everyone is learning at the same time.

Pray together. Pray at the beginning of your time together, pray at the end of your time together. Invite them to pray for one another. Invite them to name their prayer requests out loud or put them in a prayer box. Framing your time together in prayer is one of the things that will remind them why they are there. Prayer centers all of us, calling us together as God’s children, to engage in God’s mission in the world.

Parishes and congregations employ various models and approaches in their planning for faith formation. One of these methods is a themed approach to faith formation. In Forming a Community of Faith: A Guide to Success in Adult Faith Formation Today (Twenty-Third Publications, 2014), Jane Regan summarizes the approach: “One model that has proved effective is for the pastoral team to decide on a theme for the year around which all adult formation experiences will revolve. If a parish selects sacraments, for example, all aspects of parish programming would have that as a theme. 

• A study group might read a book on the sacraments.
  
• The book club might use the lens of sacramentality of the world as the basis for choosing their books for the year.
  
• A retreat might be held for those caring for the elderly around the meaning of the sacrament of anointing. 

With a particular theme in mind, it is easier to create a sense of cohesion to the adult offerings, so that the whole parish is talking about and thinking about the same general topic.”

A themed approach, of course, necessitates long-range plans, perhaps an over-all plan for three to four years, then a detailed plan for each year.

Pam Coster mentions in “Drink for the Thirsty: Planning for Adult Faith Formation, in the Fall 2009 issue of Lifelong Faith Journal: “An exhausted adult formation team helps no one. Ambitious plans are wonderful. Certainly we are ambitious for the Gospel! But steady, sure development is better than a long list of poorly done programs with no follow-up. Churches should know what is possible for their staff and team and plan accordingly. This is why an annual plan is so important. It takes the stress out of seasonal planning provides sufficient lead time for preparation and marketing, and gives everyone the opportunity for input in a calm and constructive way. Once the plan is agreed upon, the team can execute it with confidence and support.”

This approach, of course, is the opposite of what some congregations do: a “flashbulb” approach to faith formation:     someone suggests a four-week Scripture study which gets plopped into the calendar, a week later someone thinks of a three-week prayer series which all of a sudden then appears on the church calendar.

Long-range planning produces a very different approach. Specific programs and processes that are planned to fit together is the cohesive method, rather that scattered programs that are thought of, and therefore, flash on people’s screen (awareness) at the last minute.

At the same time – this might seem contradictory, but it’s not – because we live in a rapidly-changing world. Therefore, we also need to adapt, within our long-range plans, to changing conditions while not losing our focus or our vision.

“Adaptive planning,” “tweaking” our integrated long-range plan is a necessary step with today’s fast-paced, ever-changing world, if we’re going to be ready to meet the needs that arise and surprise us. Our long-range plan – necessary as it is – is always also open to addressing new needs.

Some churches have said:

• “Our most successful programs were in response to what was happening in ‘popular, everyday’ culture – the needs of the people.”

• “What people needed were responses/help to what was happening in their lives, our nation’s life, our Church’s life which we didn’t know was going to happen when we set our long range goals.”

To explore how three churches – in Illinois, Kansas and California – used a themed approach, see GEMS #44.

Leaders must work with people. People have emotions and emotions drive our decision making and our behavior. For a simple explanation of how this happens, check out this short article by clinical psychologist, Dr. Mary Lamia: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201012/it-or-not-emotions-will-drive-the-decisions-you-mak. If you want to lead people effectively, you need to be very aware of not only what your emotions are signaling to you, but also of what is happening emotionally with the individuals and teams you lead.

Emotional Intelligence research exploded in the 1990s and has successfully been used as a reliable predictor of leadership success and of relationship success in general. Much of the 20th century was dominated by a focus on intelligence. IQ was tested extensively to see if it correlated with academic and professional success. While most individuals with hi IQs succeeded academically, not nearly as many succeeded professionally. Something was missing and that something was the emotional assessment tool. EIQ has proven to be a better comprehensive success predictor than IQ and is even more potent when coupled with IQ assessment.

Learn more about emotional intelligence and take an emotional intelligence assessment test online. Here’s the link to a very helpful tool: http://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/3038.

It will cost you about $12 to get your results and they will include practical recommendations about how to increase your EIQ and become a much more effective and happier leader.

Recently I was reminded of a quote from Benjamin Franklin that I have used quite often as a good one in reference to empowering and encouraging ministry through hands-on doing ministry and getting involved. The quote is: “Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.”

As leaders of the church, we often forget the importance of involving others in our work. Equipping and empowering takes time and patience. There are times we simply want to get things done quickly and do them ourselves rather than ask others for help. Those in our faith communities bring a variety of gifts together in one place. When we continually do things our own way, we tend to forget to take the time to be patient while others learn. We seem to be stuck in tell me and teach me stages. A major step to growing ministries and building our faith communities is an invitation to actively be involved in ministry.

Although written in the early 90’s, one of my favorite books to reference when working with congregations is The Equipping Pastor by R. Paul Stevens and Phil Collins. It is still relevant today.  The book helps us understand congregations as relational systems. From Chapter 8, I list the ten principles for leaders to equip the laity:

1. Work with the Whole – The whole is more than the sum of the parts. The church is the body of Christ, the family of God, the covenant community of God. Discern the body.
   
2. Cultivate Healthy Interdependence among Members – Equipping is essentially a relational, rather than programmatic, ministry; this involves building the people of God.
   
3. Lead the Process Not the People – The way in which the equipper engages the culture, makes decisions, and makes changes is more important than specific achievements accomplished.
   
4. Cultivate the Culture – Recognize culture as a systematic expression and a powerful influence in creating motivation and shaping behavior.
   
5. Make Changes Slowly and Indirectly – Remember that resistance is not necessarily to the leader’s ideas or personality but the result of complex dynamics in the system.
   
6. Sound Your Own Vision and Define Yourself – This is not an exercise in self promotion but systematic ministry. Your initiative will help others define themselves.
   
7. Shepherd the System and the Subsystems – The pastor and other leaders are shepherds of the congregational system. Discover the way it is put together and strengthen the connections.
   
8. Avoid Becoming Triangled – As shepherds, the leaders should be able to discern dysfunctional relationships. This involves taking the appropriate actions.
   
9. Maintain Open Boundaries with the World – Be an open system interacting with the community outside the congregation. In order to do this, one must understand who belongs and what defines community. 
   
10. Relax: The Church Is in Good Hands – The church is in the good hands of Jesus, the head of the church. The leader is not the only equipper.
    

It is good to be reminded we are not alone as leaders in our congregations. I invite you to think about your own ministry and reflect on which principles are ones you employ in your setting. What are some empowering ministry stories you could share with others? 

Other Suggested Readings

Healthy Congregations, a Systems Approach by Peter L. Steinke

The Leader's Journey: Accepting the Call to Personal and Congregational Transformation by Jim Harrington, Robert Creech, and Trisha L. Taylor

Personality Type and Religious Leadership by Roy M. Oswald and Otto Kroeger

We imagine and long for a future in which all world religions will peacefully coexist, and we suffer under the pain of knowing that one of the greatest scandals of religion is that we too often find ourselves at war with each other. Imagining the future is a critical prophetic task of religion and all faith formation programs should have an eye on our ultimate future: the peaceful reign of God. Every once in a while, something happens that captures the future with a powerful concrete symbol. When it does, faith formation leaders can take advantage of it as a teachable moment.

The world has recently been introduced to the House of One in Berlin, Germany. The House of One is a project that will result in a worship space that is shared by the three great monotheistic religions descended from Abraham. A Jewish Rabbi, an Islamic Imam and a Lutheran Pastor… no, don’t wait for the punch line… are working together to do what the world expects religions to do… get along! The House of One will serve the distinct worship needs of each religion by including a synagogue, a church and a mosque while also providing a common space at the center where all three religions can gather along with the general public to dialogue and to learn about and from each other.

Visit www.house-of-one.org/en to explore the project. Then consider the following questions as you reflect upon this astounding vision:

1. What Bible passages come to mind when you explore the House of One?
   
2. What obstacles prevent your church from working more closely with other Christian churches in your area?
   
3. What obstacles prevent your church from collaborating with Jews and Muslims in your community?
   
4. What opportunities present themselves to your church as you reflect upon the House of One?
   
5. How can you teach others in your church about the House of One?
   
6. What other steps can you take to help bring the vision of the House of One alive for your church?

For centuries, religious people from Hindus to Buddhists to Catholics have been using prayer beads. Now Protestants are adopting prayer beads as a spiritual practice.

The word bead comes from bede, which means prayer. “For those who struggle with how to pray—or what to pray—prayer beads can provide much-needed structure,” writes Kristen Vincent in her book: A Bead and Prayer: A Beginner’s Guide to Protestant Prayer Beads.

Vincent’s book gives a suggested outline for introducing prayer beads. These include:

Making the Case for Prayer Beads for Protestants. Vincent suggests scripture readings, reflection questions, and information about prayer beads in general and why Protestants can incorporate prayer beads into their daily spiritual practice.

How to Use Prayer Beads. People who use prayer beads can incorporate well-known prayers (such as the Lord’s Prayer), scripture passages, the Christian calendar, or prayers about life circumstances. Any of these can add a richness and depth to prayer.

How to Listen with Prayer Beads. Praying well is more than knowing what to say. It’s learning how to listen and how to be still. Helping individuals become comfortable with silence can enrich their faith journey.

How to Make Prayer Beads. People are more likely to adopt and stick with the practice of using prayer beads when they like the color, the shape, and symbolism of their prayer beads.

“You do not have to be a perfect person of faith to pray with prayer beads,” writes Kimberly Winston in Bead One, Pray Too: A Guide to Making and Using Prayer Beads. “You just have to try to have faith to be open to the possibility that God really is with us, despite the travails that will inevitably be a part of our lives and the lives of those we love.”

For many Protestants, prayer beads make the act of prayer more concrete, more colorful, and a reminder that we have something to hold onto no matter what’s happening in our lives.

Hopefully, (a long time ago) we have moved beyond parent meetings which tell parents all the “stuff’ they need to know to “get through” the year, e.g. dates, times, Baptismal certificates to turn in, etc. (things they can read on their own).

Perhaps, though, we are still in the phase that parent meetings - especially at sacramental times - are focused on the children approaching the sacrament for the first time; catechesis is given to parents about what is happening to their child.  For all practical purposes, we prepare the child for the “holy thing” and explain to the parents the meaning of it for the child. The end result of this approach is that often a child’s experience of the sacrament is his/her last participation in the community until another event arises, such as preparation for another sacrament.

We need to look at new ways. Our old ways have too often perpetuated a cultural Christianity oriented toward the acquiring of holy things but doing little to prepare people for sacraments as experiences of being missioned to be disciples, apprentices of Jesus, to bring about the Kingdom of God.

Sacramental catechesis is not religious education. The goal is much more than instruction. “The definitive aim of catechesis is to put people not only in touch but in communion, in intimacy with Jesus Christ.” (On Catechesis in Our Time, #5)  This is uniquely true for sacramental catechesis. The primary goal is the formation and transformation of the person.  The church desires to lead people into the sacramental mystery which they are about to celebrate so that they are formed, shaped, and transformed by that mystery.

There are many ways to do this; each community needs to take the best from the church’s tradition, the vision from recent documents, and the lived experience from our rites and rituals and mold all that into a process which touches the hearts and lives of their people.

What are some beliefs which will guide us - and some things to do -  which follow from these beliefs?

We believe:  parents are the primary educators of their children.

This belief is emphasized in all traditions; for Catholics it was emphatically affirmed by the Second Vatican Council.  It is so basic that we need to continually strive to honor it and minister out of a strong conviction of it. As catechetical leaders, it might be helpful once in a while to ask ourselves how we are doing it. Do we want families involved because someone told us it was a nice thing to do? Or do we honor the role of the family because we are convinced that the real living of Christianity takes place in the home? The attitudes we hold are communicated to the families in our correspondence, programming, and personal interactions. They respond to the underlying messages as well as to the overt ones.  If we let them know, not just that we want their involvement, but that they are the primary teacher (catechist) and we are in faith formation ministry to assist them, then both the quantity and quality of family involvement will deepen.

This belief can lend itself to two actions:

1. In sacramental catechesis, schedule family days rather than parent meetings. Don’t provide children’s sacramental catechesis without incorporating opportunities for adults at the same time. Then, provide time for the family to come together for sharing and reflection upon what each experienced in their peer groupings. In one sense, the whole family is the candidate for the sacrament. Our theology reminds us that sacraments affect the whole community, not just the individual who is celebrating it for the first time. This has to be especially true for the immediate family surrounding the child.
   
2. Continually help parents see how they teach; affirm them in what they are already doing. Their formation at home is not setting up a mini-classroom. They teach by the way they live a loving, forgiving, and caring community life as a family.  They teach by the way they recognize and celebrate God in their midst – the extraordinarily sacred in the ordinary. How do they celebrate the reality of the sacraments in their everyday lives? In the unconditional love which accompanies the caring through the hard times; in the sharing of meals; in the reaching out to the needy in their midst, etc.
   

Parents might easily connect with how we are leading them through these sacramental years to see the God in everyday life. We also need to give them the tools and helps to continue to become even more aware of the God moments (which are always) in their lives. 

We believe: Sacramental catechesis – and all growth in faith – begins with human experience. 

This is true beyond any doubt because that is where God is revealed – within our human experience.  Even though we have said - and believe strongly - that faith formation is much more than information, the beginning of the “content” of sacramental catechesis is the experience of the people who are present.  Throughout the process, this present, lived experience is linked with the stories, tradition, and rites and rituals of our church.

Three things to do which flow from this belief:

1. Invite and empower parents to tell their story, their experience.  In the beginning, this isn’t done by asking “churchy” questions, but by asking questions about their human experiences.  Rather than immediately asking them about their experience of the Sacrament of Reconciliation, ask them about their experience of forgiveness.  This begins with an experience (which hopefully is a very recent one) that touches the reality of the sacrament – as well as their everyday lives.  Questions – for reflection or small group sharing – can help them to reflect on their experiences and tell their stories, such as: a) When was the last time you were struck by the beauty of nature? b) When was the last time you were gifted by a new friendship? c) When was the last time you felt respected and good about yourself?
2. Part of their story as parents is their hopes and dreams for their children. Help them to slow down – during these times with you – and verbalize these dreams for the future: a) What do you hope for your child about this sacrament? b) What do you want the Eucharist to be for your child twenty years from now? c) When was the last time you worried about the faith of your children?
3. Acknowledging the human experience of each participant within your group of parents can also mean that if someone in the group can tell the group something, it is best for them to do it rather than for you as the catechetical leader. What a sign of leadership!
   

We believe: The liturgy forms us.

Liturgy should be the clearest moment for the faith community in which the Gospel is made manifest.  Good liturgy deepens our faith.

It is also true of human nature that many things pass us by since – in such busy lives – we do not take time for reflection on our experiences. (“The unexamined life is not worth living.”)  The church’s practice of mystagogical reflection after the celebration of liturgy and sacraments is a jewel we need to use to the fullest. This holy activity strives to lead people to make connections between their liturgical experience, the experience and tradition of the church, and their actions in daily life.

Therefore, a “to do” which follows from this belief:  engage parents in this mystagogical reflection of their past prayer and liturgical experiences. This reflection will deepen their previous experiences and open the way for greater participation and faith growth in the future. This might be done – at parent gatherings -- in a number of steps:

1. Remembering: Recall the celebration. If necessary or appropriate, use images, music, color, sounds, etc.
   
2. Describing the experience: What did you experience? What touched you? What did you hear, see, smell, taste, feel?  What didn’t you hear, see, smell, taste, feel that you had expected to happen?
   
3. Searching for the meaning: Were you aware of God’s presence? How? When? What kind of God? Did you feel the presence of the church? If the symbols could have used words, what would they have said? What lasting feeling do you have in your heart?
   
4. Sharing the Christian Story: What did this event tell you about who we are as Christians?
   
5. Led to discipleship: Because of this celebration, what difference has it made for me? Where is God leading me?  What am I called to do?
   

We believe:  Rituals, symbols and signs are powerful.

Symbols and rituals abound in our traditions:  water, oil, bread and wine, blessing, ashes, anointing, Sign of the Cross, candle, fire, etc.  We need to recapture our wonder and awe of their power and meaning.  During our celebrations we need to decrease our words, and let the rituals and symbols speak for themselves. 

This belief also suggests things to do during parent gatherings:

1. Break open the symbols with the parents. Use the symbols:  blessing with water;  feeling oil, etc. With a prayerful and reflective tone, ask questions to discover the everyday meanings, the faith meanings: how does fire make you feel?  what does it do? Why do you think the Spirit is represented by fire? How do you feel when you share a meal with your immediate family?
   
2. Teach parents how to pray with symbols and rituals at home to unfold their meaning - now and in the years to come - so that the reality and meaning of the sacrament stays alive and grows. (For several years in one parish, we focused on a different symbol of our heritage each year with the children and their families. During the year with water, we gave each family a bottle of holy water and suggestions of ways and times to bless each other at home. I have never heard more positive comments from parents and children than those about that ritual which became a part of many family lives. I believe that happened because it was not just about words - but was a powerful, touching ritual.)
   

We believe:  The “content” for sacramental faith formation comes directly from the prayers and Scriptures of the rites and sacramental celebrations.

Even though there are many things written about sacraments – and they can certainly provide excellent background for us - the real “content” is the sacrament itself. The best way to prepare ourselves for the mysteries we are about to celebrate is to reflect on/break open the words which the church uses. Therefore, at the time of Confirmation, spend time during the parent gatherings (as well as the children’s sessions):

1. Breaking open the Scripture readings which are provided in the Rite of Confirmation. What do these tell us about the power of the Spirit in our lives?
   
2. Reflecting on the various prayers of the Confirmation Rite. Why has the church chosen to use these words to pray about this sacrament?  What does it mean to adults celebrating the sacrament? What does it mean to youth?
   

We believe:  Participation in liturgy is communal and always calls us to discipleship.

Our liturgical life is never about individual piety. We are a community; that is the way we have been created from the very beginning; we go to God together or not at all. That core reality of interdependent community calls us to be disciples - to be apprentices of Jesus who are committed to bringing about the Kingdom. Two “to dos” never to lose sight of:

1. A practical one: every faith formation program in our churches/congregations should contain four equal parts:  prayer, conversation/sharing of experience, “presentation,” and social. Community is built by being together and sharing life.
   
2. So what? The key question for each and every one of us challenges us to ask:  what difference does this make?  What will I do - who will I be - when I leave here because I am called to bring about the Kingdom?

Are you too busy? Are you burning out? Maybe you need answers to the following questions:

• How do you juggle multiple projects?
  
• How do you know what needs to be done next?
  
• How do you set your daily priorities?
  
• How do you lower your stress levels while the work piles up?
  

There are lots of great answers to those questions. Let’s focus on one very practical solution. I’d like to share a management tool with you that has helped me keep my multiple projects from running away from me while reducing my need to keep all the details in my head. When I don’t have all the details running through my mind, I can relax a little more and focus on the bigger things in life.

This blog is a video blog... a vlog, I guess. Click the link below to access instructions on how to develop a work log to track multiple projects.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6iTrHXEA58

This Spring, you probably celebrated the seniors who graduated from High School and are headed off to their next adventures. Their adventures may include a job, the military, community college, college, or something unknown. Regardless of where they are headed, staying in touch with them and letting them know you are still thinking about them, holding them in prayer, and looking forward to seeing them is important. Just because they graduate, does not mean that they graduate from the community. But how does one stay in touch? Here are my top 10 ways that I have found to stay in touch.

An 89-year-old is encouraged by her teen-age mentor to create a YouTube cooking video. When a 92-year-old declares that still has all her teeth, her teen-age mentor turns her statement into a rap song for the video.

This is just one episode in an inspiring, warm and touching documentary, Cyber-Seniors directed by Saffron Cassaday, in which a group of companionable teenagers serve as mentors to many elders, helping them to jump into the use of social media and today’s technology. 

The retired elders, from ages 65 to 92, begin as skeptics that they can understand and use this phenomenon. That expectation soon changes when they realize what’s in it for them, the many ways they can communicate with family and friends.

For many, the lessons, from their teenage mentors, focus on how to turn a computer on and get online. Soon everyone is learning email and creating Facebook accounts, especially enjoying the sharing of pictures. Skype and YouTube open new worlds for them.

With families now spread out all over the country (and beyond), technology is a tool that provides a way to keep families together, continuing to share the important stories, feelings, and connections.

This documentary celebrates the joy of learning new things, not stopped by age and the marvel of the generations working together. The Trailer of Cyber-Seniors gives a glimpse of the enjoyment – and the power – of this learning time among the two groups.

As we think about our leadership in faith formation:

• Are we always aware of, and capitalizing on, the desire of all people, no matter the age, to continue learning?
  
• Are there new ways we can use technology and social media to connect people, to create community, to provide formation opportunities?
  
• What might be the many ways that generations can teach one another?

If you want a better youth ministry, pay attention to author John Green.

Many teenagers follow John Green closely. John Green’s book The Fault in Our Stars has been made into a movie and currently is showing in movie theatres. Many teenagers not only read John Green’s books, but they also visit his YouTube channel—and often subscribe to it.

If you know John Green, you also know he has a brother, Hank Green, and the two of them are revolutionizing an entire generation of young people. How? By listening to them. By challenging them. By being entertaining. Effective youth ministry can learn a lot from John Green.

Be yourself—John Green is smart, witty, and honest about his personal journey. In his YouTube videos, he tackles tough (and silly) issues, and he talks to his brother, Hank, which makes young people feel like they’re listening in on a conversation between brothers. One of John Green’s most poignant YouTube videos is on bullying where he shares his personal story while also telling the story of a young person who contacted him about this issue https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u90dGnKhhlk.

Listen to young people—If you watch the bazillion YouTube videos that John and Hank Green have on YouTube (and many young people have seen them all), you’ll notice that they encourage young people to contact them, talk to them, give them ideas, share their stories. They’re constantly listening to young people and then creating content that reflects what young people care about.

Be bold—John Green takes risks. He says what’s on his mind, and then he either resonates with young people—or they correct him. He likes that, and so do young people. He models what he wants young people to do themselves. Embrace life and live to the fullest.

Be human—Church leaders often get criticized for living a “part” of life or “the squeaky-clean” version of life. Part of John and Hank Green’s popularity is that they acknowledge the muck and the shadows in addition to the wonders. You may become uncomfortable with parts of their video, but if you watch closely, they always end on a positive note. They promote positive values. John was a hospital chaplain early in his career.

Be involved in the world—John Green constantly gives money to help charities and encourages young people to do the same. So far, his group (called Nerdfighters) has donated more than $4 million for micro loans to the organization Kiva http://www.kiva.org/team/nerdfighters. He and his brother also sponsor an annual Project for Awesome http://www.projectforawesome.com/ to encourage young people to give to “decrease world suck” http://fightworldsuck.org/. While some people may think some of their language is gritty, young people are pouring lots of money into their charities to make the world a better place.

Have fun—John Green jumps onto current, fun events and gets young people excited about them as well. Right now with the World Cup going on, John Green bought each of the 32 shirts from the 32 countries competing in the competition and invited young people to donate money to charity while voting for the team they want to win the World Cup https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnXwIgpmU8Q.

No wonder Time magazine included John Green in the magazine’s 2014 list of the 100 most influential people in the world. He’s become a prophet for young people, encouraging them to be smart, to be themselves, and to make a difference in the world. That’s what our youth ministries should be doing as well—including making it cool to live a life of faith.

“Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion?” (Luke 11:11-12, NRSV)

Parenting was less complicated in the first century. These verses from Luke indicate that there was wide agreement among parents about what to give and what not to give to their children. That’s really not the case today. Parenting options are so abundant and there are competing voices in the culture about what kinds of things and experiences children should have. Your pediatrician might recommend one thing. The Disney Corporation has another opinion. Your kids’ friends often act like expert advisors. The sports world has another agenda, and then there are the criminal elements eager to weigh in as your children move into adolescence. Parents are often confused and isolated among this chorus of voices.

How does your church help parents navigate these muddy waters?

If you don’t help, they’ll leave.  We’ve known for a long time that more and more Americans are joining the ranks of those who are unaffiliated with religion. Catholics have been holding steady in their overall membership numbers largely because of Hispanic immigration, but even that is changing. As Hispanics become immersed in American secular culture, they are also tending to become unaffiliated with religion. Read this article to learn about the Hispanic exodus from religion: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/08/upshot/even-as-hispanics-lift-catholicism-theyre-leaving-it.html?_r=0

People are finding religion to be less relevant, and there is an urgent need for churches to become more helpful, more welcoming, and more caring. Starting with parents is a key. If you don’t get the attention of parents, your church is lost. If they are married, help them build stronger marriages, a key to successful parenting. If they are single, help them find meaningful connections with other single parents and members of your community who can ease the burdens of single parents.

Here are some website that will get your parent ministries kick started:

http://www.parentfurther.com

http://www.parenting.org

http://connectedfamilies.org

Recently I attended an E-Formation event at the Virginia Theological Seminary in Alexandria, VA. It was a wonderful opportunity to become familiar with the many choices we have today when it comes to social media. From Pinterest to Face Book to Instagram to Vine to Snap Chat, one can get lost, confused, and struggle to choose which is the best way to stay in touch and connect with others via social media.

I spent one entire day learning all about Google Drive and Google Docs and effective ways to sort G Mail. Fascinating, exhausting, and inspiring are a few ways I would describe my experience. I found myself drawn in to new ways to communicate and getting excited about better venues to form social circles through online communities.

Even though I look like a Grandma, and actually am one, I find I struggle with my peer group when it comes to using social media. Many will not even try. Others are willing but find a new learning curve to be too much of a challenge. A few have tapped in to using this primary way that is used by younger generations to connect and are finding great value in this mode of connecting.

One of the speakers, Meredith Gould, author of The Social Media Gospel, caught my attention when she talked about the changes we are experiencing today all around us. She said that social media is a cultural shift that is here to stay. And because of this shift, rather than be thinking in long range planning of 5 to10 years, we need to be thinking in shorter time frames of 3 to 9 months down the road.

Meredith said we have choices about change when addressing the challenges we have in our faith communities. She said we can choose to: 1. Learn it, 2. Walk away from it, 3. Retire, or 4. Die. I am sure that in some settings there would be those who felt disturbed at this list, but in this setting where we were all present to benefit from the knowledge of today’s social media guru’s in the church, I believe it made us pause to think of how we view these choices and what effect it has in the life of our faith communities.

I reflected on how this same list of choices pertains to the life of our faith communities today. Whether it is social media, changing worship style, or introducing a new liturgy, we have the same choices. I believe one of our challenges as leaders in the church today is to provide learning venues to equip all ages to understand cultural change and help them grow in their faith.

Whether we are 1 or 101, it is good to remember that cultural shift happens. In today’s world, that shift includes social media as a valuable tool for evangelism.

How do you use it in your setting? And how can you help others to get on board?

Perhaps you are not a social media guru and would like to become more familiar with all the terminology and understand how social media is being used today.

Here are a few resources to get you started:

The Social Media Gospel by Meredith Gould

Faith Formation 4.0: Introducing an Ecology of Faith in a Digital Age by Julie Anne Lytle

The Holy Geek blog by Randall Curtis

The Five Loaves website and ministry by Tom Tomaszek 

Which subject does the church avoid most? 

Sex. 

Especially with teenagers. 

Especially with parents of teenagers.

Yet, no one is more interested in this subject than these two groups of people. People of faith want guidance about sex, and they often look to church leaders to guide them.

Yet, the church too often stays silent on the issue.

The Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing offers helpful guidance for church leaders to bring up the topic of sex and to do so in a faith-based way. The institute offers a free, four-page document titled An Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Adolescent Sexuality at http://www.religiousinstitute.org/open-letter-to-religious-leaders-on-adolescent-sexuality/.

Too often, we fear talking about this subject because we don’t want to give young people “ideas.” Yet, young people already are thinking about sex, and some are even acting on their sexual feelings. This four-page document suggests the role of faith communities in helping young people make sense of their sexual identity from a Christian context.

When I talk to youth ministers, the brave ones who offer youth group meetings on sex say that these sessions are the most attended and generate the most questions. A number of churches are now offering meetings to parents of teenagers as well, not only to answer their questions but to support them as they deal with their feelings about their teenager’s maturing sexuality.

If you’re uncomfortable with the topic of sex, you’re not alone. See what the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing has to offer you in terms of support and resources. Visit them at http://www.religiousinstitute.org/. Your teens and their parents will appreciate your willingness to talk about this important issue.

Life is never boring and humdrum. There are moments we may feel it is, but if we are awake to life, it doesn’t take long to realize the giftedness of life, especially because of the diversity with which God has surrounded us in all of creation.

We are formed by the sacredness of all life; we learn through the events of life which we choose to remember and celebrate. 

As we plan our congregation and faith formation events, we are fortunate that our liturgical year guides us through the ebb and flow of our lives and its challenging and glorious moments. In addition to the liturgical year, we remember and celebrate. . . . 

In addition to the liturgical year, we remember and celebrate: 

• our historical tradition,
  
• the people who have gone before us, making a contribution, especially for the peace of our world and the dignity of all people,
• the multiculturalism of the world we live in, the connectedness we all share,
• the national and international events that have shaped us
• our call to justice and peace

Listed here are only some of the events/observances that fall within the coming months. (Most of the liturgical year events are not mentioned, since we already have those on our calendars; those certainly are paramount in our celebrations.)  At the same time, how can our congregations celebrate and commemorate some of these events?

July
2:  Civil Rights Act, 1964
4:  US Independence Day
7: Global Forgiveness Day (http://www.ceca.cc/global_forgiveness_day/)
18: International Mandela Day  (http://www.un.org/en/events/mandeladay/)
20:  First earthwalk on the moon (1969)
22:  St. Mary Magdalene, apostle to the apostles
26:  American with Disabilities Act signed into law, 1990

August
6:  Hiroshima Memorial Day (1945)     
7:  1st photo of the Earth, 1969
9:  Nagasaki Memorial Day (1945)
19: World Humanitarian Day (http://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/un/world-humanitarian-day)
27:  Mother Teresa’s birthday

September
8:  International Literacy Day
12: Interdependence Day
14:  Feast of the Holy Cross
21: International Day of Peace
27 (or October 12): Native American Day (UN observance to balance Columbus Day)
Fourth Monday: Family Day (http://casafamilyday.org/familyday/)

October
3: Day of Jewish-Christian Dialogue
8: S.A.V.E. (Stop America's Violence Everywhere)
16:  National Clean Air Week
16:  World Food Day
17: International Day for the Eradication of Poverty
20-22:  National Observance of Children’s Sabbath
24:  United Nations Day
Fourth Saturday: Make a Difference Day

November
1:  All Saints
5:  International Week of Science and Peace
8:  Dorothy Day born in 1897
9:  Berlin Wall down – 1989
11:  Veterans Day
13: World Kindness Day (http://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/kindness-day)
29:  Dorothy Day died in 1980
Day after Thanksgiving: Buy Nothing Day (https://www.adbusters.org/campaigns/bnd)

December
1:  World Aids Day
2: Giving Tuesday
6: U.S. slavery abolished – 1865
6: St. Nicholas Day
7:  Pearl Harbor - 1941
20:  Earth’s longest night
28:  Holy Innocents
31:  Holy Family
31: World Peace Meditation Day

A middle-aged man has a heart attack while doing some yard work with his teen son. The son calls for help which comes quickly and saves the man’s life. As the days pass, both wonder how the hand of God was present in this life-changing event. Can your church’s faith formation program “think on its feet” to provide meaningful help to this family that is now open to meaningful conversations about the deeper matters of life and death? Powerful faith formation emerges from the events of real life.

Events that rattle your community or even the nation such as the recent shooting rampage in California or the landslides in Washington leave people wondering and questioning. Is your church set up for a helpful response to life’s unexpected yet inevitable events?

Maybe every church needs an Emergency Faith Response Team (EFRT). If you are prepared to respond to the death of a church member with a funeral ministry, then you already have experience with this kind of thing. Build a similar team and structure in your church to be on alert… ready to spring into action with a moment’s notice.

Here are some questions to consider as you develop your EFRT:

1. What do you need to add to your website that might be helpful in an emergency?
   
2. What literature can you place strategically around your church building that might help people unpack the meaning of a big life event?
   
3. Who in your church has a life situation that would allow him/her to be available at any moment?
   
4. What would you need to do to train church members for home visits or hospital visits to families that are experiencing a life-changing event?
   
5. What Scripture passages and faith themes are relevant in helping people to understand the meaning of big life events?
   
6. How will you make church members and community members aware of your EFRT?
   

Let your faith formation emerge from real life. It may be the most effective faith formation you ever do. Here are a couple of other articles that will help you develop your EFRT:

http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2013/february-online-only/are-you-ready-for-crisis.html?

http://www.lifeway.com/Article/Pastor-shepherd-ministry-to-people-in-crisis

What are these people talking about:

• Shatters the myth that greed is the path to success
• Accomplishing goals through collaboration and reciprocity
• Encouraged me to be a more thoughtful friend and colleague

• Debunking of good guys finish last

• Generosity generates its own kind of equity
• Those who win most are often those who give most
• Giving is the recipe for success
• People do better by being better
• Infected with wanting to give more and take less
• Make the world a better place
• Not only make you a better person, but make you more capable of doing good for many people

We might think these people are talking about what they’ve learned from reading the Gospels, what they’ve experienced from witnessing the lives of followers of Jesus.

Isn’t it exciting – and heart-warming – when others discover, through research, through the stories of real-life people, through living life, the truth that challenges, the truth that frees us?

The above comments are from people who have read (and in many ways experienced) the Gospel message of giving through the book, Give and Take, by Adam Grant. Grant reminds us the often, in our history as humans, we have focused on ourselves: our passion, our hard work, our talent, and our luck. He challenges us to reflect on the reality that success is increasingly dependent on how we interact with others. Most people, he says, operate as either takers, matchers, or givers. Whereas takers strive to get as much as possible from others and matchers aim to trade evenly, givers are the rare breed of people who contribute to others without expecting anything in return.

The Gospel message?

Might this book be used with teens, young adults, and adults in the journey of faith?

• Reflect on the real-life stories here, comparing them to their real-life experiences.
• Utilize the Discussion Questions within formation settings.
• Read the book, comparing it to the messages of Scripture.
• Invite various groups to an online book study.
• Decide what in the book Jesus would have said; what Jesus might say differently.
• Write an examination of conscience about giving and taking.
• Build a Pinterest board of givers in today’s world.

(This post is the second in a series on best practices for using digital media in ministry. Read the first post (on blogging) here.)

Among the most frequent questions I get when wearing my “digital missioner” hat is this doozy: “Our church website is terrible. Where do we begin?”

If there were an easy, straightforward answer to this question, I suspect we would have a lot fewer awful church sites adrift around the Web. Fortunately, a number of professional communicators have heard or been a part of enough stories of success and failure to extrapolate a bit and offer advice to the rest of us. I’ve tried to pull together from the best of their advice.

While there is certainly no one-size-fits-all solution, many churches have succeeded in dramatically improving their Web presence by following something like the following steps.

Plan 
About the worst thing you can do to get started is gather a bunch of people around a table and ask “What information should be on our website?” - or worse, “What do we want our website to look like?” It’s asking for trouble to put this particular cart before the corresponding horse.

The horse, of course, is your church communication plan. You really need to have one of these, even if it’s provisional and imperfect. What do you want to tell the world about your faith and your congregation? Who will help you do that, and using which tools (including but certainly not limited to the church website)? Once you start getting a handle on these questions, the path forward will be clearer.

Jim Naughton and Rebecca Wilson (whom you will be tired of me citing by the end of this series, but that’s how good their book, Speaking Faithfully, is) offer a fantastic chart to guide your creation of a communication plan. It’s worth the cost of the book. You might also check out this planning resource from the United Methodist Church.

With a plan in place, you can start thinking about content and organization for the site itself—Speaking Faithfully has guidance there too. Keep in mind this list (from a study by Grey Matter Research) of the most common reasons people visit church websites:

1. to check service times (43%),
   
2. to access listings of activities (29%),
   
3. to get directions to the church (28%)
   
4. to watch or listen to streaming media (sermons, welcome videos, etc.) (26%)
   

Great role models for making this information easily available are two church sites built by an Alabama design firm called DC. Both Christ Church and St. Paul’s in Alexandria, VA, feature prominent welcome buttons that take visitors to the place where all this information lives together.

People 
Once you know what you want for your website, you’re at a crucial decision point: Are you going to try to build the website “in-house,” using staff and volunteers from your church? Or do you need to outsource at least some of that work to professionals?

How you answer these questions will depend on the goals you have for your site and the local talent you have available. Remember these key points as you deliberate:

1. Teams are better than individuals. Building websites is a deceptively large amount of work, and all but the heartiest of volunteers will need to share the load in order to be effective.
   
2. Don’t be afraid to outsource partially. Sometimes you only need an outside vendor for a couple of tasks: graphic design, managing or updating your web hosting, or setting up your content management system (see below). Here’s a video about how one church decided to navigate this challenge. (Watch from 2:12 to 4:06. Full disclosure: I serve this parish part-time, but I was not involved in the website redesign process.)
   
3. Time is money, even for churches. If your process is going to chew up a bunch of staff time, or keep your tech- and communication-savvy volunteers busy building the site instead of maintaining the site, it may be worth the investment in a professional contract.
   
4. Beware of the in-house professional. There’s nothing wrong with paying a Web developer who is also a member of your church, especially if he or she is willing to do the work at a reduced rate or gratis. But this kind of relationship can go south quickly if both sides aren’t clear on expectations. It’s also important to independently verify the quality of your member’s work before bringing them onboard.
   

Platform 
If you take one thing away from this blog post, let it be this: You must build your church site (or have it built) using a content management system (CMS).

CMS software makes publishing content to your website a matter of navigating menus in your web browser and adding words and pictures using an interface that’s not so different from modern word-processing software.

Whatever you do, do not invest in a website that your organization will not be able to maintain itself.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consult a professional for help with major changes and customization. But your church’s staff and volunteers have to be able to keep the calendar updated, upload photos and sermons, add news items and feature stories, and otherwise handle the day-to-day administration of the site. If you can’t keep it updated, you might as well not even have it.

Two of the most common platforms throughout the Web are Weebly, which is very accessible even for total beginners, and Wordpress, which is a little trickier but a lot more powerful. Many, many church websites are built on these two platforms.

Two Wordpress developers who can help you get your site up and running (and whose work I endorse based on conversations with their clients) are Faith Growth and Tomatillo Design.

There are also a number of companies that offer church-specific content management systems. Two platforms to consider are Ekklesia 360 and Digital Faith Community.

Next post: audio and video for your church. Stay tuned!

It is that time of year when students and families are in the midst of transition. The school year is ending, summer is beginning, and everyone is already looking toward to the next school year. As elementary students move into middle school, as middle school students become senior high students, and as the senior high students transition from school to the next steps in their lives, now is the time for us to help them as shift into the next stage. If you remember back on your own transitions in life, you will recall that they are both exciting and stressful. Students and parents wonder what they will encounter in this new space, who will they meet, what teachers will they have, and will they find new connections in this new stage in their lives. As ministers to these age groups, we have a vital and important role in helping make the connections and reaching out to those who are in transition.

You know your context and your kids, so you will have to decide how best to foster connections and be present as each student transitions from one ministry to the next.

• How are the elementary students welcomed into the middle school ministry and how are middle school students welcomed into senior high ministry in your congregation? 
  
• Do you have a “preview” night before the school year ends so they can be welcomed into the group and told about the summer activities they can be involved in? 
  
• Are there older students who can mentor the new students in this time of transition? 
  
• How have you communicated to the parents the calendars, activities, and possible connection points for their age group?
  
• What sort of invitation have the students received to plug into the ministries at your church? 
  
• As the senior high students graduate and move into the next stage of their lives look for opportunities to make connections. 
  
• If they are staying in town to work, go to further schooling, or simply take a year off, how are they invited to participate in the young adult or adult ministries and activities?
  
• If they are joining the military remind them that there are chaplains in the military that they can seek out for counsel and connection.
  
• If they are going off to college, look up the school they are going to and see if there is a campus ministry or congregation nearby. Reach out to the clergy of that campus ministry or congregation to let them know that this young adult is coming to the school. Reach out to the graduating senior with the information about the campus ministry or congregation so they know there is something nearby.
  
• Once they transition to this new stage of life, how are you maintaining connections with them? Care packages a few times a year? Post cards (yes, the old school paper kind) can be an easy way to drop them a line and it is more personal than email.
  

You may assume that the students and their families know about the opportunities and ministries in the next stage of life and ministry, but they may not or they may not realize the breadth of what is available to them. Remember that an invitation from the ministry leader goes a long way to making them feel welcomed and connected to whatever is coming next.

There are many articles and blogs addressing the subject of change. The church is one of the last places people seem to be willing to accept and go with the flow of change. I find this to be very interesting due to the fact that everything else in our lives changes almost on a weekly basis. Weather, work, school, clothing sizes (for children and adults), homes, and budgets are a few examples. Change is inevitable.  

Familiarity gives us a comfortable feeling. Change is uncomfortable. Comfortable means no action and very little desire to approach something differently. Change means experiencing a new way of life and can lead to growth. As we go through changes, I believe it is important to include a time of grieving but also include a time of celebration. If we seriously want to move towards the future in our faith communities, it will involve the next generation in the leadership of the church. That means change.

I like to use the analogy of moving to a new home as an example of a different perspective on change in the church. Military families, on the average, move every three years. They move across the country and across the world. There are times when not only the location changes, but the language and culture as well. How do these families cope? Granted there are some who do not adjust as there are some in our churches who do not cope well with change. Ready or not, it happens.                                                                                                 

Let’s take a look at some initial steps a military family goes through when they adjust and look forward to each change of house and location:

1. Tell family and friends the news about the move.
   
2. Begin to assess what will be needed or not needed in the next location.
   
3. Make plans to get to know the new community.
   
4. Meet new neighbors and establish new found relationships
   
5. Seek ways to get involved in the new community. Many times activities will be different depending on the location and the culture.
   
6. Be open to trying new foods, inviting new friends to get to know you, and learn about the new community.
   
7. Prepare for the move with a positive attitude seeking new adventures.
   

In most places in the country, the look and feel in our communities is changing. When you reflect on this list of initial steps taken for a move, think about moving towards new ministries to stay in synch with the changing culture of the church. Which of these steps would you choose first if you were asked to move the faith community in a new direction? How does the fact that change is inevitable in all other places help you recognize the changes needed in the church?

My husband and I have lived in 11 houses in the last 35 years in different states and different countries. As I write this blog, we are in the process of moving again. The painter is blasting music, there is a person measuring rooms to replace carpeting, and I am sitting in an empty room with my laptop on an old tabletop trying to concentrate while thinking about change in our lives and how it can apply to change in the church.

Change invades every part of our lives so it is a good idea to adjust, reflect on the past, and move on with a positive attitude and an enthusiastic eye on the future.

It is never easy but I have often found that until you take active steps towards it, you cannot fully grasp what is in store for you.

When we moved to Japan, I cried all the way there. When we moved back to the States, I cried all the way home. What once seemed scary and foreign soon became a natural part of our lives. So it can be for the church as we adjust to new ways of being the church. How exciting. Now that is something to celebrate! 

 It’s technology training season in the seminary teaching and learning center where I work. In classes, in individual coaching, and in regional and national workshops and conferences, our attention is fixed on helping congregational practitioners, seminarians, and faculty better utilize digital media in their ministries of faith formation, communication, and beyond.

Thus, it seemed like a good time for me to share with the FFLE audience some of the best practices I’ve been immersed in teaching.

I’m going to start with blogging, because it tends to be thought of as an unconditionally good thing (“My church doesn’t have a blog, but I know we should”). I agree with Jim Naughton and Rebecca Wilson that this valuation isn’t necessarily true. But if it is a good fit for you or your church, and if you’re willing to put in the time, blogging is one of the best social media tools I know of to help you reach a wider audience with messages that matter.

Here are a some great reasons to blog:

As a spiritual center of gravity for your church or organization – If you play a pastoral or formational role for a group of people, why would you pass up an opportunity to touch their lives more frequently and spark honest dialogue about the joys and struggles of the community? Blogging can be all that and more for a leader or leaders willing to listen deeply and share vulnerably. Role model: The Patience of Trees.

To join and host conversations with your neighbors – For gospel reasons and survival reasons, churches throughout the secularizing West are once again paying attention to their surrounding neighborhoods. And the most engaged among those churches and leaders are looking for forums to contribute to community discussion. The best way to get started is to read and comment on lots of other community blogs and discussion boards. But there may come a time when you’re ready to get in the game as a host. Trust that your faith perspective won’t keep you from reaching readers if you remain respectful and engaged. Role model: Vicar of H Street.

To help your newsletter content reach more people – This tip I picked up from Meredith Gould, author of The Social Media Gospel. Whether your blog is a part of your church website or a standalone venture, there’s a good chance you’re already creating a ton of content (especially in your newsletter!) that could touch more people when doled out post-by-shareable-post. Don’t forget to make the paragraphs shorter and the vocabulary more accessible. Role model: Sticky Faith.

To say something you couldn’t say on an official channel – Many church leaders find themselves torn between witnessing to their own convictions and shepherding flocks whose collective opinion is more diverse or flat-out opposed. Although starting a personal blog doesn’t solve all the challenges of navigating this pastoral hornet’s nest, it can be part of the process of finding spiritual balance. Role model: Dirty Sexy Ministry.

To give your members a venue to reflect – Continuing a trend online that began on paper in church tract racks, many congregations are starting blogs for seasonal theological reflections. Don’t neglect your best source of potential writers: the people who make your faith community what it is. Role model: Blog of St. Luke in the Fields.

Next post: the church website redesign. Stay tuned!

Full disclosure: Many of the role models above are friends and colleagues. That’s partly why I follow them closely enough to be able to commend them to you.

This particular young woman had already tried a Christian dating service, but it didn’t work for her. We discussed a few other options that might help her connect with people more regularly, but I don’t think I was much help.

I’ve been thinking about her question. It reminded me that young adults spend a lot of time pondering dating and marriage. They wonder about how to know if they are in a good relationship or a bad one.

This presents an opportunity for churches who have a lot of experience with the spiritual practice of discernment. We talk about following God’s will all the time. The question here is what that means in light of young adult relationships, dating, engagement and marriage.

Churches would be much more attractive to young adults if they offered spiritual help with the relationship discernment processes that are inevitable for most young adults. A church-sponsored discernment service is bait for young adults.

For example, young couples wonder about traits of compatibility. I’ve offered the following reflection questions to help young people discern whether or not they are in a healthy relationship:

1. Am I strongly attracted to this person on an emotional level? Rank your attraction on a scale of 1-10. When you are dating, anything below an 8 should raise concern.
   
2. Am I comfortable with the way my partner integrates her/his family's ways of doing things into our relationship? If not, am I free to discuss the issues?
   
3. Am I willing to meet my partner’s strongest emotional needs in the following areas: Affection, Conversation, Recreation, Openness & Honesty, Long-term Financial Plans, and Long-term Family Plans?
   
4. Do I find it easy to admire my partner as a role model for myself in certain areas of life?
   
5. Do I find that we are successful when we negotiate our differences?
   
6. Do we negotiate our differences without violence (physical or verbal) and shouting?
   
7. Do we have sufficient connection, understanding and respect, if not full agreement, on the level of deeply-held values such as faith, politics, religion, friendships, family, etc.?
   
8. Do we appreciate each other's sense of humor?
   
9. Are my family and friends enthusiastic about this relationship?
   

While this is not a comprehensive relationship assessment, it covers many of the areas that are critical to success in a relationship. Ultimately, you want both partners to answer yes to all of the questions and be willing to work together on any questions with a no answer.

We are creative people. Why not make creativity a part of your faith practice?

That’s what spiritual director Maggie Oman Shannon has done. She recently wrote the book Crafting Calm: Projects and Practices for Creativity and Contemplation. “Our lives themselves are the ultimate act of creativity,” she writes, “and each of our lives is as unique as our fingerprints.”

Her book focuses on the crafting for the various aspects of faith:

Crafting for Calm - Creating tabletop meditation fountains to sacred bath salts.

Crafting for Clarity - Putting together blessing baskets and visual journals.

Crafting for Comfort - Making prayer shawls and prayer cards.

Crafting for Contemplation - Building luminarias and tray sand gardens.

Crafting for Creation - Doing prayer paintings and building meaningful icons.

Crafting for Community - Making talking sticks and collage mandalas.

Crafting for Connection with Others - Creating thinking-of-you candles and prayer pillows.

Crafting for Connection with Spirit - Developing finger labyrinths and prayer pots.

The 40 projects in this book encourage us to go deeper with our faith, to explore different aspects of our faith through creativity. When we delve into the arts (even if we think we’re not artistic), we tap into a new dimension to ourselves and discover that our faith can grow in ways we never thought of.

“In the action of manifesting something physical from something ineffable, we mirror the act of Great Creating,” writes Mary Anne Radmacher in the Foreword. “We call up, wake up a practice within ourselves that is ancient, almost mystical. The book is a door through which you may walk and begin to see things differently.”